Insecurities and Misunderstandings
by Emma-MasenCullen
Summary: Bella and Edward fight about immortality, it gets a little out of hand and Bella tells Edward to leave. Are Bella's assumptions correct or is it all just a bunch of Insecurities and Misunderstandings? Or is it too late? Set after the vote in New Moon.


_Summary: Bella and Edward fight about Bella's immortality, it gets a little out of hand and Bella tells Edward to leave. Are Bella's assumptions correct or is it all just a bunch of Insecurities and Misunderstandings? Or is it too late? Set after the vote in New Moon. _

Insecurities and Misunderstandings

"God, why do you always have to be so stubborn?" Bella said, getting rather annoyed.

Bella and Edward were arguing again, Bella was still adamant that she was going to be turned; to be like him, finally his equal, but Edward was adamant that she would remain human. It was only a few weeks after Edward's return and the danger of Volturi was still at the forefront of Bella's mind along with the danger of the ever persistent Victoria. But these weren't the only reasons she wanted so desperately to be changed, though she would never speak of this reason; she wanted to finally be equal to Edward. In their current state, Bella felt like she had no right to be with Edward because he was far more than she had ever dared to dream of, he was too good for her and she always knew it. But once she was like him, inhumanly beautiful, then maybe, she could stand next to him and look like she actually _belonged._

Edward was sitting in the rocking chair on the other side of Bella's room pinching the bridge of his nose; his eyes had visibly darkened since he had arrived but not due to lust, it was anger. Edward was angry, but only at himself. He wanted to give Bella the world and everything in it, he wanted to her the moon and the stars, he wanted to give her things that he knew all too well that he couldn't like children but wanted to all the same. But the one thing she desired above all in the world was the only thing he could not give.

"Bella, we've been through this already, you don't need to," Edward replied to her, his eyes remaining closed.

"I don't need to, I don't _need _to, what, when do you think I'll need to then Edward? When we have the wrath of the Volturi trying to kill me? Or when Victoria decides to stop playing game and tear me limb from limb?" Edward flinched at her words, "Or maybe when I break my neck from tripping down the stairs in a pair of shoes Alice puts me in? Will I need it then?"

"Bella, love, stop worrying. I will _always _protect you. Always. We'll know when the Volturi plan to come and we'll hide you, they'll never find you. As for Victoria, again we'll see her every move and we'll take her down. And I'll ask Alice not to put you in potentially life-threatening shoes." He said with a small smile on his lips, trying to lighten the mood.

Bella was just even more frustrated and angry at his word, for someone so clever he always seemed to miss the point of what she was trying to tell him, "You just don't get it do you Edward, you _never_ get it," she whispered as silent tears fell down her cheek as she turn away from Edward, "I'm sick and tired of being a constant risk to your family because I'm too weak and too fragile as a human. I'm sick and tired of being a risk to you every time you hold me or kiss me, sick and tired of risking you and your family's secret. I'm sick and tired of hurting you."

"Bella, you don't hurt me."

"You know what I mean, Edward," a small amount of venom in the tone of her voice, "I'm tired of you being so...so...guarded, so...tense, every time you kiss me. It's only because you have to remain constantly in control of yourself and it take a great deal of effort but it doesn't have to be that way..." she barely whispered the last part but she knew he would hear.

"Yes it does have to be this way. I won't changed you because you are afraid or you believe your risking everything when your not. I won't change you.

That was Bella's final straw, after everything she had been through in the past months came crashing down onto her; all her pain, all her worry and all her new found insecurities came crashing down as her knees gave way and she fell to the floor, tears flowing faster down her face, "Sometimes I feel like you don't even want me, like you saw me in Volterra, what had happened to me and guilt consumed you, thinking it was all your fault so you came back, not because you wanted to or needed to but because you _had_ to so you could ease your guilt."

"Bella, love, please, let me talk..."

"No, because all I'm going to here is lies. "I'll love you _forever_ Bella", "I'll _never_ leave you Bella", "I was a fool for thinking I could be without you Bella", and I'm tired of being lied to," Bella screamed at him, completely broken now.

"Isabella Marie Swan! Stop it. You have no idea what you are saying, you have no idea what you are asking, you're merely a child. You could change your mind, you don't know what you want in five years time or ten years time, you'll end up regretting it, you are staying human and that it final," he yelled, finally loosing his temper as Bella sat shocked on the floor, actually scared of him for once in her life.

"Go away, please just leave me alone." she whispered. She didn't hear him leave, she knew he had though as a cold breeze blew through her room. What Edward didn't realise when he practically ordered that she was remained human was all of feeling and emotion that had crashed down on her had gotten her thinking, and everything that she said was true he only came back was because he felt guilty. He didn't really want her, as she had thought many times before, she just wasn't good enough for him and the reason he wouldn't change her had been staring her in the face for all this time and it had took her until now to realise it.

He just didn't want her around forever.

As she pulled on her holey t-shirt and sweats, closing the window and crawled into bed; tears still falling down her face, she made a conscious decision that she loved Edward enough to not put him in that position, so she decided to do the right thing and leave him.

Bella woke up the next morning feeling terrible, the argument last night with Edward had made her dreams terrifying and her sleep restless. She was hoping that she would feel better after a good night sleep which hadn't happened. So stepped into the shower, hoping the heat would calm her but as soon as she stepped out the shower her terrible feeling reappeared. She dressed slowly, not caring what she put on, grabbing her bag before making her way down the stair. Charlie had already left for work so the house empty and Bella felt a sudden surge of loneliness as a thought crept into her head, _Edward was usually with her. _She dismissed the thought but the feeling lingered as she grabbed a granola bar for her breakfast.

As she locked the door behind her she felt like she was being watched and not to her surprise, Edward was leaning against the door of his car on the other side of the street. Their eyes met, Edward's eyes full apology and a small smile graced his lips. But it was Bella who broke the contact and walked to her truck, jumping in the cab, locking the doors and driving passed a rather shocked Edward on the way to school.

Edward still beat her there, but Bella drove slow on purpose. So she would arrive at school just in time for the bell so he could confront her about not driving to school with him and what happened last night. She decided if she was going to do this, she was going to do it properly. So, she park her car the other side of the lot and hid behind the other students so she could get into the school unseen.

Luckily, her first class was without Edward so she had plenty of time to think of ways to avoid Edward. Jessica was on holiday so she could ask Mike if it was alright to sit next to him in Biology, and ask Eric if she could sit with him in Spanish, and ask Angela if it was ok to sit with her Trig, her only problem was Government but she could always skip it. As Bella sat down next to Angela, she knew something was wrong so she slipped a note to her carefully,

"_You alright, Bella, want to talk about it?"_

Bella smiled at Angela. If she had to pick a friend to keep for life it would be Angela, she was a caring and considerate friend who was always there for anyone who needed them.

"_Me and Edward had an argument. I told him to leave. He came by this morning to drive me to school and I ignored him. I think we need some time alone, some space so I'm avoiding him. Is that wrong?"_

"_No, you think you need space, have your space, but I think you should tell him you need space, would you like to sit next to me in Trig, so you have some space?"_

"_Yes, Angela, that would be wonderful, you are the best friend in the world."_

The rest of the lesson continued, and as time went on, Bella got more and more anxious about what would happen next lesson. Angela kept on smiling at her reassuringly but it didn't make any difference to Bella. The bell went and she walked to class in silence, Angela close to her side. She smiled as she left and Bella walked through the door. He was already in there, sitting at their desk in the back of the room. She sat down, taking her books from her bag before lowering her hair into her face so she was shielded from Edward, just like in Biology when they first met. But this time Bella did not look, her eyes, focusing watery on the board. Over and over in her mind she told herself that it was best; only his happiness mattered, if he didn't want her then he didn't have to suffer having her. She stayed still and silent throughout the entire lesson even though she could feel his penetrating stare on her always.

Finally the bell went and Bella grabbed together her things quickly; but not quick enough. Edward caught a hold of her hand as she turned to leave; the sudden contact made her freeze on the spot. She hadn't thought about this, his touch, she hadn't thought about what to do if he touched her. She didn't think she would be strong enough to break away from his touch, but she concentrated on why she was doing this and she pulled away just as Edward breathed her name.

The day dragged on endlessly, and not once did Bella falter, she stayed focused even though she knew he was watching her. Lunch came and instead of sitting with the Cullens, Angela invited her to sit with them. She quite enjoyed her; she'd missed her friends, Charlie was right about balance though he would have to be worrying about it anymore. They made plans for Saturday to go to La Push and movie, she was going to Angela's tonight to have some girlie time because she really needed it, and Angela was coming over at some other point in the week. They all chatted as if it had always been this way and it was nice to still feel accepted. But throughout it all she could feel five pairs on her, watching her every move, but she stayed focused, it was getting easier.

Biology was by far the hardest. She had too put up with the questions that Mike threw at her about why she was sitting with him, what had Cullen done to her, had they broken up, and what made it worse was when the questions had ended the relentless flirting started which she hated very much. But to make matters even worse than they already were, she could hear Edward's faint growl every time Mike said something, or when he moved closer or when he touched her. But she injured it, knowing it was the right thing to do to make the one she loved happy.

After school had finished, she was walking to her truck to pop home to write Charlie a note before heading out to Angela's house when she saw a flash of bronze by her car. She carried on walking as if she didn't notice until he said her name,

"Bella, please talk to me," he pleaded.

"There's nothing to say, I need some space, let me have my space, please," she pleaded back.

"We'll talk soon though, won't we?" he asked, his voice full of sorrow and pain.

"Sure, we'll talk soon," she replied as she jumped in her cab and drove away.

After leaving a note for Charlie, she drove over to Angela's. They sat in her room and watched girlie movies while painting each other nails, they danced around to their favourite songs on the radio, they talked about Saturday, they ordered in pizzas and ate them while they finished their homework. Then Angela asked the question,

"So, why do you need some space from Edward?" she asked, before adding, "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, I just wanted you to know the option was there if you wanted it, in case, you know, you really needed to talk but nobody asked you," she babbled.

"Angela, thank you, you truly are a remarkable friend. I wanted to do something with Edward, and he didn't. We got into a argument and he really upset me, practically ordering me that it shall not be done and now I feel really hurt and angry so I thought we'd have some space so I could have some time to clear my head. You know, otherwise we'd break up and he doesn't want that."

"Oh, I see, well it's fine you want your space, but you need to tell Edward that he's upset you, otherwise he won't know and find nothing wrong with what was said." Angela replied thoughtfully.

"You've a point there. I suppose I should tell him why rather than him not knowing the reason why I'm doing this."

Their night continued much the same, laughing and having fun. It was the most fun Bella had in a long time.

The rest of the week continued the same. Bella avoided Edward as if he were the plague, only speaking to him when spoken to, very looking at him in lesson, never acknowledging his stares. She carried on as if he never existed and it was driving him insane. Her window was always shut at night, but it didn't stop him from staying in her room. Her dreamed betrayed her as she often spoke his name but by day he was a ghost to her. He wanted to know why so desperately why she was avoiding him, what he had done wrong to make her want to avoid him. Every time he broke another piece of his cold, dead heart.

It was raining in a true Fork style, literally pouring it down relentlessly, when Bella was finishing her homework in room listening to the CD that Edward gave her for her birthday. Although she could show emotion about Edward outside her house doesn't mean she couldn't show emotion in her own room. As her lullaby came on, the tears started to fall. It hurt her so much to avoid him but she continually reminding herself that it was for the best, it saved him from the guilt of leaving her and spared him of actually being with someone he didn't want to be with; she said only his happiness was important and to her it was.

But it didn't stop the tears from falling. She rested her head on the desk, not finding it in her to move. She laid there for what seemed like hours, going through many changes of song, until she was startled by a scratching sound on the window. She heart raced, not knowing whether who was at her window was friend or foe. Not that it really matter, with her dead, she didn't have to feel the pain she was feeling and the Cullens would be safe. She slid the window up and the black shadow stepped inside. Standing before Bella was a sodden Edward, the rain glistening in his hair. He looked more beautiful than ever, all Bella could do was stare.

"I couldn't stay away from you anymore. I have to apologise for the other night, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you, it wasn't right, I was just so angry that the only thing you desire so much is the one thing that I can't give you, I just can't change you," Edward said, his voice pained and full of sorrow. They matched his eyes.

When Bella finally found her voice she replied, "Edward, it's fine, it's ok. I understand."

"You do?" he asked, unsure of what she understood.

"Yeah sure I do, the reason you wouldn't was always there, staring me in the face," she replied.

"It was? Do you mind telling me what it was?" he asked her.

"I'll explain if you promise not to interrupt me," Bella said quietly.

"Ok, I promise," he replied, how could he deny her anything?

"It was so simple really, I couldn't believe I didn't see it before really. I should have known it was too good to last but still. What I said the other night, about feeling you're only here because of guilt and you don't really want me, well I do believe it's true but always pushed it aside thinking you wouldn't be here if you didn't want to be, you wouldn't be here against your will, until the other day. When you said you wouldn't change me and that that was final I finally realised that it was true all along. You don't want to change me because you don't want to have me around forever, and I get that, really I do. Why would you? It's not like I'm beautiful, why would you want me when you could have someone like Tanya or someone who was a beautiful as Rosalie? You wouldn't. And I know I'm boring, it's a little hard not to notice that, why would you want to spend forever with someone who bores you? Then, there is my clumsiness, it annoys the hell out of me, so what must it be like for you, always have to save me from myself. So, when I told you to leave alone, I had a sort of epiphany, you wouldn't leave me because of your guilty conscience so I decided to leave you, so you don't have to be here when you don't want to be, so you could spend forever, starting from now, with Tanya or whoever you like." Bella voiced was pained as she gave her little speech, it hurt her so much to say what she had to say, to finally admit that she would never ever be good enough for him, she realised what she was giving up her own happiness and life so he could be happy. She knew it was the right thing to do and she would hold on to and cherish the memories of all the good times that they had together.

After what seemed like forever, Bella looked up at Edward, tears streaming down her face, and she spoke again, her voice cracking, "You can go now, if you want."

"Do you want me to leave?" Edward whispered.

"No, not really, but this isn't about what I want Edward, it's about what you want," she replied, trying to keep her voice even.

"Well, Bella, I want you. There is nothing more I want in this existence than to be with you _forever,_" he said, pulling Bella into his embrace,

"You silly, little angel, you are beautiful, you are the most beautiful creature to ever grace this planet, the world, for me, holds no beauty without you in it, you changed the way I see the world, thing I used to find beautiful, winter roses, shooting stars, they no longer hold the same beauty, not after I looked at you, you are more beautiful by far. And whoever told you you were boring needs their head looking at because you're so fascinating; and not just because I can't read your mind. I think I know you so well and I think I now what you're going to say, or how you're going to react but you don't do what I think you are going to, like this, and I find myself taken by surprise. And we have interesting conversation, it's not me who does all the talking, is it? And your heart and your breathing do this interesting thing when I brush my lips against your skin," he demonstrated by brushing his lips against her forehead and as he predicted her heart raced and her breathing increased a little,

"See what I mean? The last thing you are is boring. And as your clumsiness, well, Emmett thinks it's absolutely hilarious and why would I be annoyed at having endless chances you save you? To have you in my arm? I'm not going to pass that chance up. As for your little epiphany," as he spoke, they laid down the bed, Bella's head on his chest as new tears flowed from eyes, as he played mindlessly with her hair,

"I wish you didn't feel I was here out of guilt because I'm not, I _need_ you in my life, it causes me physical pain to be away from you, I only go to hurt so I can be around you with posing you any danger. You are my life, Bella. I can't be without you. I tried once," they both flinched at his words,

"And look at all the good it did me, I was just as bad as you were, ask Alice, ask Jasper, he couldn't even stand to be around me because I was in so much pain. I love you so much, I couldn't bear you lose you. Please don't ever leave me."

"I won't leave you, Edward. I can't, I love you too much, I wouldn't survive it again." Bella whispered as her tears fell relentlessly.

"I'm so very sorry for arguing with you the other night, you don't know how truly sorry I am, I cannot express it, but maybe if you know why motives you'd understand better. I would turn you in a heart beat if I could because the prospect of loosing you in around eighty years is mortifying, like I said, you are my life, I can't be without you. But I want to give you things Bella, not take them away. I want to give you everything, children, and college and years and years of perfect memories, watch your children graduate, get married and have your grandchildren, these thing I want to give you so desperately but can't so who am I to deny you them? I won't end everything for you Bella, I just can't do it," he ended in a whisper, his voice full of pain.

"Edward, you do give me things. I don't need children to be happy, I know what I'm giving up, I'm not really giving it up because I never wanted it. You gave me my life back after being alone and sad for so long, you gave your unconditional love and your heart, you gave me my best friends and family, you gave me you. What more do I need? If, maybe, one day, in a hundred, two hundred years time when I might decided I want children, we can adopt, but I don't want to have children, Edward. I just want you, how did you put it let me see, you are my life, I can't be without you," she said, staring straight in his eyes, silently pleading him.

"How can I deny you anything? You hang out with Alice too much," he replied.

"No, you can't deny me anything because you love me too much to say no," she grinned.

"Is that so?"

"It is so."

"Prove it," he challenged.

"Kiss me."

And with that his lips crashed onto her, the weeks worth of tension in the kiss fuelled it's passion as it deepened. Edward had never kissed Bella like this before, she liked it very much as she traced his cool bottom lip with her tongue as Edward moaned lightly with pleasure. But all too soon he pulled away, Bella gasping for air; her heart pounding.

"See what I mean about the heart and the breathing?"

"Yeah, does this mean you'll change me?"

"Of course, love, it does, I can't deny you anything, but you have to do something for me," he answered.

"Anything..."

"Marry me, Bella."

_**A/N: So, hope you liked it, just a little something I thought of while I was thinking of idea for my fic, "When The Past Comes A Knocking. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it, all you have to do now it press the little green button and make my day!! Thanks for reading.**_


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